A proper update.
Things have been hard for the last few months.
Fears have been invading my brain and messing with me in such a way that I am having problems functioning properly.
Death is something I have always had very bad anxiety about and it will always affect me at night time, now I keep thinking that I am going to die in my sleep. I force myself to stay awake just so I wont sleep. So the fear is there for the death but now also for sleeping.
It does not happen every night and I now have a very small amount of control over it with the help of lavender oil surprisingly. I did attempt to try tablets but in some worped messed up place my mind thinks that they will inhibit me from waking and now I cant actually take anything. A doctor prescribed me with diazapan but again can not bring myself to take it so I am working with the lavender oil.
Recently I managed to get myself to see someone to try and work through what is wrong with me… well what a waste of time that was. She proceeded to tell me that I have managed PTS (which I already knew) and when I asked her about the sleep anxiety and death anxiety she handed me a card and told me to email someone else because she couldnt help me. So I am still trying to find someone who can help me with this.
I dont know if these are related to the abuse but I know that they were brought on a few months ago while doing some incredibly intensive training at work.
So now I just wish it would all go away again.
I cant help others if I can not even help myself.
Liz, please don’t think of yourself as a lesser person if you need the medication to help you get well. Just do what you need to do to get better, you owe this to yourself. I didn’t want to take the Prozac after I got diagnosed with PTS either but I did because I knew that it would help me get better. I still have my bad days but they are slowly getting better. Thinking of you …